A day in the life of a book

Being of the age where I am old enough to be nostalgic and young enough to keep up with the "times", I am revisiting old joys of my youth. Most remain untouched by time, some come in
"modern" packages and some are weirdly out of place.

Books. Paper, ink and glue. The siblings of my childhood. In those moments, I am not alone but surrounded by friends and nemisises; laughing, crying , sighing and wondering about all the minds that conjure these worlds to some form of reality. I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I read a book in day, a memory somewhere far from here, however, present when called upon. I devoured " Middlesex", starved for a time when that was all I was responsible for, reading and learning.

It takes time to prepare, experience and process most events and we just don't do enough of it here in the "modern" world. My experiences with "disappearing" into other countries just was not to be this time. It was meant to be here, now, with myself as the "dark continent" embarking on a safari. I have spotted the long extinct 8 tracks of early adolescence , their predecessor, the 45!! and the endangered species of cassettes and vinyl. Most all now mutated into the compact CD. The first 45 I ever bought was in 1970, "Lola" The Kinks. I new this was a watershed moment and little did I know that I would continue these expeditions to this day. The Best Buy now replaces the record store within walking distance in my childhood. Tuesdays are still release dates and there is a seemingly endless supply. So far, so good.

Drawers and closets can contain interesting stuff for those who check theirs out once in a while. I found a lost passport and have more stamps to add to the travel collection. I" lost" things no longer needed for the rest of my journey. I've unhitched some rides and reaquainted myself with others.

I will adapt also to phones ringing in my pocket in the store. I will open some pathway in my brain that says "These things happen to people now" and I will join the legions of people bringing what was once reserved for the home only, out in public, just a wee bit. The verdict on text messaging is no contest. Not in the legal definition, per se. Just don't want to go there. Regular keyboards are where I stop. Texting is literally, too little and too late. Get in touch with me the old fashioned way: through email.

No staples in my passport

It doesn't take sigmund freakinfreud to figure out this recurring dream!!
I should know by now that its God talking to me, sending me my latest dance steps. It is usually the same dream. At some security point and I reach for my passport and as I do it all falls to pieces, sometimes floating lyrically to the ground, others papers fly fast and furious. The more I have the dream the more negative the message about the trip?? Not always a correlation there.

It also reveals my anxiety about my own fears about travel. Do I have the " staples" prepared for the trip? Am I ready? Are you ever completely ready so you have to say "what the fuck" and do it anyway? I dunno.

Is it just limited to travel or expressed through travel. Lots of my travel is rugged and not for the feint of heart. Need it always be so.?

Much time for reflection, learning, revisiting, straightening, yes even dusting...
I've learned there is much in the way of experiences I still want to absorb and bending is not so bad that I have broken. I feel more comfortable with having to have made the adjustments I had to make without weaponizing it aimed at me. That is a victory of no small amount!

"Middlesex" is the book, Annie Lennox is the music and Ken Burns' PBS Documentary "the War" is what is playing in the multiplex in my head. Pretty interesting. Peace

stay tuned...

"it is all subject to change"...prophetic echo those words, now.
Just a routine dental problem with a routine treatment, right? No, really, its just routine right?
No, its a bit(e) more than that.
Its some sort of infection in the bone of my jaw. How is that for some God irony? Or at least I hope he sees it that way.
This is a very high price to pay so I am looking for gifts and signs and messages all over the place.
I was grounded from my trip to Guyana. Both from my dentist/friend and the team coordinator/friend. There are at least 2 gifts right there. Their love and friendship outweighs any foolhardiness on my part to fly with a bone borderline blood infection to outback countries to try and help others.
I am able to write these words without tears now.
How to take hold of this time is the way to find the positive from this experience. What do I do when a dream u-turns? Check out the scenery going the other way.
I do need time to finish the treatment and Mercury is in retrograde till the 1st of november.
Do they correlate with one another.? I am sure they do and one of the sights I'll be looking for is what that might be. How do I handle dissapointment as an adult? How do I handle the gifts that I have been given and mourn the loss of an expectation.?
I'm safe and on the mend at home.
stay tuned...

in the gloaming

the time of day commonly called dusk. i must reveal an unease with that time more days than not. The transition time provokes anxiety. What happened long ago to create this cycle? I'm not much of a dawn person either but to know that there will be light is hopefull. Perhaps my understanding is in the last sentences.
Stepping outside the comfort zone feels like one long gloaming. I have a rough estimate that I will be tested but safe in a strange sort of way during this upcoming voyage to Guyana. I'm not sure about access to the internet during the adventures but be sure to know that I have a designated journal for Guyana---Longhand.
After arrival in Georgetown we will spend the 18th to the 25th at Mercy Hospital. Then we travel to the border with the Brazilian rain forest to a village named Lethem. We stay there at Mrs Foo's and attend to the village women at a clinic. Then 5 hours over land to Annai for 2 days staying at a place called Rockview Lodge. The return to the capital city is nov 1st. And all this is prefaced that it could all change at a moments notice.
stay tuned...

logorrhea

the condition of excessive communication. The condition of nervous chatter. I need a place to dump the anxiety of Guyana. I am ready. I am more ready than I believe I am. How to manage the excessive chatter in my head. this is where I suppose people are privy to how I manage too much stimulation. I chatter. I look things up. I keep busy. Learn a new language, hey or some other move on my part. Not really that bright anymore but I can still keep up. This is that point in life to let go of the rope and realize you were only 10 inches off the ground to begin with. I have trained for this all my life.
Perhaps Tanzinia is next. Perhaps my own back yard. Thank you to everyone that has kept the faith to let me go do this. to not let me live less than. to let me share with people the things I have the balls to experience and have some effect no matter how crazy folks may believe me to be.
There may be time after october 18th that I may be without internet. Then
guyana, longhand will appear. I will return Nov 3rd with much to show and tell. Good thing that we take care of all that in kindergarten. Along with cut and paste and eventually home ec. It really does boil down to what you learned in younger days and how you use it today...

becareful what you wish for...

...it just might come true.!! I grew up under the guise that that statement could only be interpreted in a negative direction. " Your face will freeze like that, is that how you want to look?" And other gems. Growing up German, there aren't alot of positives to that statement. So what's a good german to do when that statement means incredibly postitive and life sustaining activities.?
A week from tomorrow I venture to Guyana with Remote Area Medical to do things I'm oddly good at (paperwork Nazi) at a local hospital then off to who knows where. Did I mind not knowing my full agenda and flying by the seat of my pants? Of course I mind but what am I gonna do? Via con Dios(even though English is the national language). I've been "training" for this my entire life. I used to watch "Wild Kingdom" in the 60's and 70's and fantasize up a storm about having those experiences. While I pray I will not have to wrestle with crocs and snakes, I will h ave to wrestle with that part of me that just wants to stay home. Since I am so driven, I will lean into it.
I am prepared to encounter people I have never encountered before and they, me. I will be able to attenuate in more comfortable ways to the peoples needs. My understanding is that my photos and interviews will also be a way for RAM to document their work more fully. Shit. This is really going to happen.
I am prepared to document my experiences in longhand if needed. Internet access may be spotty. The upcoming teleconferences will lead to more information but this is really a lesson about being on God's time, not mine.