drank from the well

Last evening was a long slow drink from the well. I wish I could recall all of John's messages but I will wait till they come round again. Drinking from the well to sustain me for another day. Not for six months or six minutes but the next cycle of encounters with others on this journey. In his post on Mark my work today he mentions being able to trust enough to withstand the scrutiny of the inevitable encounters with others. He also spoke about our "thirst" for ourselves and that must also be satisfied in order to be the most we can be with each other. Being able to find validation, the knowledge that someone else can empathize with your personal situation, is powerful stuff. I watch it always. If I can do no more than that at that moment, it is enough till further trust develops and further, more tiring tasks are presented to us. Is it just that simple?

jury duty

The reason I write this so early is that my day is complete as far as the obligation of jury duty.
Interesting in that this time I did get as far as the jury box. I was then dismissed about 11:20 am with my receipt for my nine dollars (which I will receive in 6-8 weeks)in hand. What now, relatively no contingency plan. so I thought I would get stuff done around here.
Jury Duty isn't Law and Order but not too far off. I believe that my jury questionairre and God kept me from being involved in something that just from what I heard wouldbe difficult for the jurors and myself to hear and see. This is a capital rape case and it should go on at least 4 days. My thoughts go with Leslie, seated next to me in the jury box. She seemed a decent sort and she was chosen. I hear so much pain and need to deal with it myself that I gave it my best effort and was spared the duty. From the prosecutions initial presentation it sounds like dude is in big trouble in a number of ways. I'm going to try to follow it in the paper but I don't even remember his name now. Much better with faces and stories. Anyway, perhaps I'll spend the rest of the day with some productivity to it. peace

rainy sunday

But you wouldn't know it from the sunshine inside of me today. Different parts of my life have begun to "crash" into each other and it feels fun, not so scary like in the past. Through people together and see what they make of themselves. I hope that the new visitors to this very private/public faith walk of mine will find some comfort here. To be honest though I've had Sopranos on the mind for a few days. We've been jonesing along time now!.
Peace

I'm not dead today!!

A quote i heard from JPD at Ash Wed service. When we finally accept that someday we WILL die and that we aren't dead today we can then celebrate the day we have. Its begun to free my mind to really live. Its not a death wish, far from it. I want death to stay away for a good long while but I am also keenly aware of the here one moment not the next so when God gives me messages to send out then I do so without hesitation because it may be key to a part of his plan and I must focus on that. If it sounds morbid I am sorry for it really is joyous for me to think that I will go somewhere only the self can go. I am very comfortable with the self I am becoming so to me its just another trip.
Speaking of which, Peru is more secure with hotels and airline tickets to be finalized this weekend. Once thats done its anything goes....Leave states June 10th Fly to Lima then to Cuzco. Here is where it gets dicey just showing up. cuzco is at around 13,000 ft so aclimitizing is a must. You just have to see how we all react. Last trip at that altitude was 10 years ago. I did fine but I'm 10 years older. We'll see if the training pays off. I'm sure it will. Depending on how fast we can settle we will be off to Macchu Picchu. That will take approximately 3-4 days. Doing it up right is the theme of the trip or one of them at least. Small side trips as warranted. Wayne is bringing Poki so he can clown some. Sadly, he will depart on the 19th for the states which leaves Tresa and I to go to the amazon basin and to stay for Inti Rymi the most sacred Incan festive of the year. It is the celebration of the winter solstice (south of the equator it will be winter)when the sun is in perfect position to pierce the sacred statues left behind by the Incas before they deserted Macchu Picchu. Inti Rymi is celebrated in south america but I understand that Cuzco is the place to be for this. Then we will leave for Lima, stay there a few days ( its at sea level whew)and head home for the states the 29th. Quite an undertaking but Tresa is the real champ for making the reservations etc. I appreciate her patience that I have never really put the effort into learning alot of Spanish. I'm more the learn as I go type (slowly)
So ...I'm not dead today so off I go.

the irony of young will reeve

The irony of young Will Reeve. Now his mother is gone and he is an orphan in one sense yet the very essence of the "Superman" plot in the other. He has been shuttled off to another "planet" or world without his parents but in turn what superhero type things will he be able to do because of this experience. I just got the "existential willies" (some variant of this word everywhere!!) just thinking like that. Would hope to live long enough to see what he does.
Although I am saddened by her death on a personal level because of Cindy. The grief is not that she is gone now almost 4 years but its the wonder what of could have continued had death not intervened.
I also pray that people will put a stop to the judgement and the blaming the victim for the cancer that "they got". Perhaps we should look further into why lung cancer, the number one cancer killer in women, is not funded on par with breast cancer. Is it because it is far more lethal than we are used to or is it just that lungs aren't breasts.
Please pray for me too as my pharisee can rear its ugly head too.
peace

go figure

I set up a new blog called "perpetual Lent" but I'm having trouble accessing it so back home go.Lasts nights oscars(last cling to pop culture that I will admit to)were interesting. Does it mean that hollywood isn't ready to fully embrace alternative lifestyles but will reward movies that expose the pervasive racism, power and control issues of who's got it, whowants it, and will do anything to keep it? Crash is a great film and the only other one I had seen except BrokeBack Mountain . BBM has such sensuousness and love with fear and confusion and guilt. I also grew through the experience in that I went to a movie a few minutes late, wasn't lost plot-wise and didn't die from an anxiety attack. Yeah me. Probably won't push that envelope again but then I am grappling with this emerging time issue. Always punctual me is having problems with "losing time" . Brain changes and slowness from the MS is changing how much time I need to do things in the time frame I used to be able to do them in. Glad I have been able to organize this into something that makes sense on paper. I have a tough time explaining to people what this feels like. Any suggestions ?

The Weaver--Author Unknown

My life is but a weaving
between the Lord and me.
I cannot chose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oftimes he weareth sorrow,
And I in foolish pride
Forget he sees the upper
and I , the underside

No till the loom is silent
and the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
and explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needed
in the Weaver's skillful hand
as the threads of gold and silver
in the pattern he had planned.

I write this because God led me to this in response to a question in
"Mark My Word" and because I would like to share it.