divine irony

I had the historic opportunity to meet and photograph the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church in the US. She is Katharine Jeffords Schorri and she was elected in 2006 and serves one, 9 year term. She has journied to Erie to meet with our diocese and ultimately consecrate Sean Rowe as the youngest Bishop in the Episcopal Church, on the planet. He is 32 years old. A remarkable feat by a somewhat democratic election process. If organized religion is to survive it really needs moments like this.

The divine irony is the reconciliation of a long and personal journey with religion, god, spirituality. You know, the easy stuff!! Had Roman Catholicism not been the HUGE presence that it was then this last 33 years would have been much different. I minimized the effect, perhaps, on my acts of rebellion but they had profound effects on people I loved especially my father. I am grateful he lived to see me find a spiritual home somewhere. The Episcopal Church was founded out of rebellion from the papacy so that makes perfect sense for the fit in my lifestyle. Will I always question?, Yes. Will I always wrestle with doubt? Yes. It's who I am.
Do I feel less the heretic and more at peace? yes...for now.

thank you Mother Theresa

'the dark night of the soul" is an expression of significant doubt and struggle, something all of us experience perhaps not necessarily recognizing it as such.
To be honest, I have been struggling for the last year as to what I believe, who I believe and what to make of all this doubt.
So I do the usual me thing and 1st deny its happening, then that lasts a brief time and I start to educate myself to see if others may shed some light and I might identify with someone in a similar situation.
That's where Mother Theresa figures in. As the doubt reaches fever pitch for me, the infotainment channel reveals that she kept diaries since the founding of her order and her work in Calcutta. They were full of doubt, anger, resignation and wonder at why she was needed to do her work in the first place yet she never stopped her work. That's the reason she should be recognized as an extraordinary human being.
Not miracles or whatever is really on the Vatican checklist for cannonization but she kept serving those who needed her. I understand she became quite the fund raiser, she apparently had a way about her to raise money and most who encountered her, gave to her. My paternal grandmother bore a signigicant resemblence to Mother Theresa because she, too, was Croat. She, too, was quite persuasive despite her tiny physical presence and that is perhaps where the resemblene ends! So I have a sense that Mother Theresa's anger was an energizing force behind her ability to continue her work despite her doubt.
So I continue on my journey with a wonderful new travelmate.

al gore and attachment theory?...

In his book " the assault on reason" Al Gore happens to work this very important theory, revived of late from Bolwby's work in Great Britain. He conveys an understanding to a proces that people who study this stuff can find interesting and also explainable to others in a way that makes sense.

So attaching to people is online as soon as birth occurs. The in the womb attachment is powerful as well. We bond with someone who is our primary caregiver. Most likely its a mother. When the infant has needs that must be met he conveys them and if they are consistently attended to then the child learns that when it conveys needs he is taken seriously, sowing the seeds of a sense of person who's needs will be provided for. Next case is an ambivalent response on the part of the caregiver. That scenerio provides an inconsistent attachment response creating doubt in the infant that its needs are listened to and valued. The value of the needs creates the inner self of self worth. If its inconsistent, then future attachment becomes ambivalent filled with potential for anxiety, depression, substance abuse and other concerns of the psyche. Lots of people live ambivalent lives. Then the worst case scenerio of the attachment theory is none at all. With no one to reflect back emotion or bonding with the infant, the infant resorts to internalization of the lack of needs being met. This can result in much internalized anger and repressed ability to express emotions. He even suggests that quite a bit of the prison population could fit into this 3rd category but no research exists that he is aware of.

Al Gore also visits the future of repairing the government after the trainwreck of Bush/Cheney leaves town. He believes that the future of restoring "an informed citizenry" to the govt is through the internet. Now he does have personal stake in the success of the internet in general but I do like his political explanation for people who blog. He writes "generally speaking, bloggers are concerned citizens who want to share their ideas and opinions with the rest of the public...Blogs allow for public discourse without the public ever needing to gather in a single public place. As a result, blogging is becoming a major institutional force capable of influencing national politics."

That's pretty cool validation for continuing...

Grace Hanadarko

Perhaps I am more of a TV junkie than I care to admit and another new show has me enthralled, "Saving Grace" It was probably more Holly Hunter that piqued my interest but Earl keeps me coming back for more. Check it out mondays on TNT at 10pm.

Grace just may be a real cop somewhere in Oklahoma City. And the largly forgotten bombing has left its mark and Grace is taking on lots of dearly held beliefs and taking them out for a spin. I enjoy iconoclasts and her character sure is that. Since the bombing, her faith was shaken to the core and the plots follow her trying to grasp the concept of the meaning of her own first name.

Combined with Al Gore's latest book "The Assault on Reason" and maybe there are more thoughts about what happens to the trauma assimilation of people in the rescue professions. Included in my list of the rescue professions are the obvious: police or law enforcement, firefighters, 1st responders, drs, nurses, therapists then there are the other professions which wrestle a large part with people and can be affected by the interactions. Since interacting with people can be very pleasurable and also conversly traumatizing, where is the updated manual for making sense out of both. Since it involves humans, it should be continually revised!! Al Gore's view and assimilation of the research on neuro-trauma leading to psyche trauma appears up to date and a good addition of knowledge to why people do what they do. Do we go into a rescue profession because we want to help people or rescue ourselves when others wouldn't or couldn't or both. I'll take both for 1000, Alex!.
It gives further contextual validity for the use of EMDR in traumatized people. I'm jazzed up about EMDR and the direction I am going in regards to my profession work and general understanding of people individually or as a collective.
Oh, yeah, and it works, too.!!

the blessing of the bikes

That doesn't always translate into casino luck but it was fun. The entire Roar on the Shore gets kudos from me. Can't wait till next year. Bikes unite people from ways of life that might not necessarily come together for any other reason. There appeared to be a big representation of Vietman Vets who displayed their pride for their service, finally. Its been enough time past and I hope they can find safe places to talk about their experiences.

Ellen Goodman wrote a good editoral about the evolution of blogs which appeared in today's paper. She summarizes the makeup of people who use blogs, respond to blogs and also the cultural demographics.
The blogs are to the liberal left what talk radio is to the conservative right. That helps explain my being drawn to this medium and absolutely revolted by conservative talk radio. Good to know that things still happen for a reason. Ellen then added on the same old gender crap that permeates everything else in this culture: if a man vents his anger he is acting according to his gender expectations but if a woman expresses her anger she is a bitch. HMMMM....
As a woman who cut her teeth on the women's movement of the 70's I am disheartened. I would have thought that maybe, just maybe that action/reaction dance was dying out. But according to Ellen it is not.
She reports through her research that 1/2 of all blogs are written by women but in the political arena 42%of the bloggers were male and 7% female. What had been hoped for in an arena where gender could have been more equalized has become male/female culture redux. There are blogger sites "for women" but again the marginalization occurs. Even in mixed blog sites women continue to be threatened if their point of view is not that of a doormat. And sadly for these angry men is that the threat is usually the same: "What you need is a good #@%! " And I doubt that includes a good debate or verbal commmunication
I look for signs that tell me to keep on writing whatever the $#^& I want and I like it when they are this easy. And by "writing what I want" I still try to maintain a good editoral staff in my head.

Edgar Winter really rocked the town the other night. Another wonderful opportunity to hear really unique musicianship under the Big Dipper. I heard him and his brother Johnny in 1979 and I still remember that show!! Texas 2steppin blues rocks this soul. Lets see what lays ahead for this week...

56 minutes of motorcyles

As announced by Peter Fonda at Liberty Park after the run from the Casino to the bay.That means that at rush hour traffic people had to wait for that many minutes of bikes to pass. Hot Damn!!People lined the roads to wave and photograph. Some saw me without me seeing them and some saw me and were surprised by my "other life" as a biker woman. I love it because you are part of a group but a group of individualistics with the rebel streak pretty wide.
I walked out to the new horse racing track yesterday and was treated with a behind the scenes arrival of Peter himself. The 3 bike police escort and limo were the first clues. So I watched from about 50 feet away as he greeted people. He seems to really enjoy what he is doing. my understanding is that he took time out from a film promotion to do this gig for the John Kanzius Cancer Foundation. Watched him have himself photoed with folks and he's a ham and that's a good quality. If that's what years of dope smoking will do for ya then I'm all for it.!!
The cancer research is ground breaking and if radio frequency waves can be used to eradicte certain types of cancer what else could it do. Could it help people with MS, Parkinson's, Rheumetoid Arthritis??...
Well, the Roar on the Shore continues all weekend!!...