unity tie Sept 13, 2006-Jan 31,2007

The day we journied to see the dali lama we participated in a unity tie ceremony which consisted of tying a yellow piece of nylon string to our wrists and leave it there till it falls off. Interestingly it really wasn't the fact that the nylon string was no more but that in less than 5 hours was replaced by a wonderful buddha bead bracelet given to me by one of the cool people in my life.
No such thing as coincidence.
Rest in peace Molly Ivins, liberal politics will be hard pressed to ever fill your shoes

just when you ask why...

there's an answer. At least this morning there was. Not always that fast either.
I was beginning to wonder why I write all this stuff down. Always have. Have my box marked " to be burned immediately upon my death" already overflowing. No nasties left behind or do I really want something left behind.
I read Anna Quindlen and there was my answer. In a column entitle " Seize control by writing for personal liberation" lie my very thoughts on the whole matter. She goes on to say that the movie "Freedom Writers" inspired her thoughts. Writing things down gives meaning and reality to what we think, feel and wish to convey. Anna goes on to write that the personal hand written notes are fading but we are "forced" to write again via email etc.
The best quote belongs to writer Don DeLillo who writes " writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals."
She goes on to remind us that Anne Frank never lived to see her book published but had a profound effect on generations to follow and this writer in particular.
So a lovely answer to a question that was posed but briefly. I guess I'll keep on typing for now.

not ready to make nice

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting.

I'm through with doubt
There is nothing left for me to figure out (??)
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO ROUND AND ROUND
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
AND I KIND OF LIKE IT

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regret and I don't mind saying
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world could the words I said
Send somebody so over the edge
that they'd write me a letter
saying that I better shut up and sing
or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice
Im not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is that you think I should

Forgive, sounds nice
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting...

Song: Dixie Chicks
Personal Interpretation: me
Emotional Release: priceless

tickling the ivories

There it sat, collecting dust and taunting me with past memories. Its not a real piano but after nearly 30 years its good enough. After staring at this for 2 months I finally sat down yesterday to see what my brain could remember. I wasn't hoping for much but was proudly surprised by what happened next.
I thought I would start with the scales, afterall isn't that what a good teacher would have me do? But then again, I guess I am 45 and can start anywhere I want to and I wanted to make music. So, out came Beethoven. What better way to make melody then with "Fur Elise" and " Ode to Joy"? As those dusty parts of my brain sputtered to life I could "feel" my brain breakup the logjam. Movement. Inside my brain. And since anything worth doing is worth overdoing, the sheet music has been printed and the fun is on...
I have to attribute this with much gratitude to the people in my life who have reintroduced me to music again in all its glory. "This is your brain on music" is an inspiring book for me and was my first step on this journey. April, thank you for your gift of the keyboard, I'll do you proud.
Thanks to those who come after me for wanting to share with me their gift of their love for music, its most inspiring.

church in movement...

literally with the erie bayfront dance students both junior and older dancers who interpreted throught movement while Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's last speech at Washington' s National Cathedral the night before he was killed played in the background.
Such a sweet sight to see the visitors who's children worked very hard to accomplish these pieces and the children themselves, some dancing in public for the first time. Pretty heady stuff for a Sunday morning. I enjoy the experience of the ordinary becoming the extra ordinary on any given day.
I find myself very quiet and contemplative as I pray about what lies ahead. No rush, no fuss, just change lies ahead...

my personal haley's comet

There's an underated little film out there called "the upside of anger" with Joan Allen and Kevin Costner in a dysfunction family life story. At one point Joan Allen's character issues a sexual invitation to Kevin Costner's character stating " This is my personal haley's comet, take it or leave it".

Yesterday was my familial "haley's comet". With God's blessing, I will not live to see another 76 years therefore exempting me from hosting again!!! Whew...

New year New rules...Still working on the new rules part. I do know that my adventures will take me to places like Florida, Guyana, Michigan and thats all before summer starts!!! What about new rules for a 45 year old woman perched atop major changes in her life. Thank god for satellite radio, a set of Bose head phones and the ability to reach back to my past for some things that worked for me. Going back to some roots?...